I’ve been the momma bear since i was 18. Much like my own mother. Fuck. i hate this.
I want to go back 10 years, 12 years, 15 years. I shouldn’t have left nyc the first time. I should have been taught to not let men control me. From the first assault, to the need to be loved (by two broken parents) that the man who would define most of my life was my equal but broke my family. This isn’t going to make sense in the morning. But fuck, i’m still so angry and hurt. Still so full of rage. I already hated myself and didn’t need any help. And I’m so much like my father who could not form close relationships. So i find myself mostly alone. Talking to the internet.